Comical Tommy

Reports from La'abour's zany Minister of Information

Thursday, September 16, 2004

News from La'abour

16 September 2004
For immediate release

Storm over candidate’s betrayal of town

La'abour call on Liberaldem to join braying mob


LA'ABOUR’S KAISER FREMP MP has called on the Liberaldem by-election candidate to "prove" she is loyal to the town after it emerged she has put a Hartlepus address on her official nomination papers - which is a bit inconvenient for the La'abour campaign.

La'abour highlighted a copy of an interview Jody Dunn gave to the Teesdale Mercury less than three weeks ago, in which she said "I love living in Gainford and want to have its babies" and indicated she would only move to Hartlepus if she was dragged there by wild horses.

KAISER FREMP MP said: "Jody Dunn may technically live in Hartlepus, but she simply doesn't love it enough. Claims that she does has stretched the bounds of credibility with the people of Hartlepus. They are not mugs they know when they are being taken for a ride.

"Just 20 days ago, Jody Dunn suggested to her local paper that she has sexual fantasies about Gainford. Now she is trying to claim her true love is Hartlepus after all, but she is not fooling anyone.

If ‘Jody Come Lately’ really loves the town, she should prove it. Kaiser Fremp is organising a mob to go round and rough some Gainford pensioners up a bit, and has formally invited Jody Dunn to participate.

"This is no longer simply a question of whether La'abour are planning to move the local hospital to somewhere else, it is now a question of trusting foreigners and their wicked, immoral ways. The people of Hartlepus have nothing against outsiders, but what they do demand they go back to where they came from."

ENDS

Notes:
1. For the purpose of this election, Kaiser Fremp's constituency of Houghton and Washington is to be regarded as part of Hartlepus. Kaiser Fremp officially speaks on behalf of all Hartlepus residents. That is all.

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