Comical Tommy

Reports from La'abour's zany Minister of Information

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Talking down Hartlepus

From the pen of Kaiser Fremp Iain Wright:

Why oh why oh why do the Liberaldem Infidel continue to talk down Hartlepus? Today, the wicked fiend Jody Dung gave a speech in Bournemouth (you won't find Iain Wright me give a speech. Not at a conference, not outside Hartlepus, NOT ANYWHERE!!!!!), in which she almost said:

"Hartlepus is full of naked shouty people with dogs. Naked shouty people with dogs. And lots of crime as well. How I hate it. Bournemouth is so much nicer and if elected I think I'm going to move here instead. But don't tell anyone in Hartlepus I said this - they might not vote for me."

Ha! Caught you out Dung! Now NOONE will vote for you!

I can tell you this: there are no shouty people, no naked people and no dogs in Hartlepus. Not one! The fact she does not know this proves that all she wants to do is talk down the town.

And there is no crime; she is a deceitful, wicked person to suggest that there is. In fact, there is too LITTLE crime in Hartlepus. All the criminals have been scared off by the hordes of teen gangs that swarm around the town.

Just the other day, I saw a mob of 3-4 youths, some as young as 8, loitering around the town. I DARE NOT SPECULATE WHAT WICKED CRIMES THESE HARDENED THUGS WERE INTENDING TO PERFORM!!!! Only New La'abour have the courage to force the police to smash these gangs using whatever means neccessary to ensure they can never loiter again. The wicked Liberaldem Infidel instead want to give these youths crack and heroin and encourage them to run down old age pensioners in Formula One racing cars.

New La'abour want to smash these gangs - and will set up our own vigilante lynch mobs if need be. After all, that is how we deal with our political opponents. That will make Hartlepus safe once again for ordinary, decent criminals. And then we will smash them as well!!!!!!!!

To do anything less is to talk down Hartlepus. And that is wicked and utterly evil.

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